Music and lyrics by Paul Nordquist
From the album "Stay Crunchy"
Five pounds lighter and five bucks poorer,
He thinks he's the judge instructing a juror.
Sees in my face that I need some direction.
He's got more notes than my record collection.
"Learn and obey all the rules of the venue.
Try every flavor they put on the menu.
Hit the buffet, go hungry and early.
But, boy, stay away from that monster killer curry."
Metal detectors and dark matter scanners
Don't end the importance of minding your manners,
'Cause the people you meet in today's situation
Gonna come back again in another location.
Today they're your student, tomorrow your waiter.
You'll want the invite to the parties they cater.
If your morals get fuzzy and your memories blurry,
You better stand back from that monster killer curry.
The Swamp Thing took one tiny taste
And fell down on his monster face.
It's a tempting aroma that tries to disarm you,
But the spices will hit you, and then comes your karma.
Now my mission to Mars just landed on Venus.
My dog, the copilot, is a certified genius.
I don't sweat the details. All planets are equal.
I'll watch any movie and then watch the sequel.
Not typical outcome. Your weight loss may vary.
This pill is endorsed by the sugar plum fairy.
It's good to be happy, I'm glad you don't worry,
But honey steer clear of that monster killer curry.